Behind the Art: Taking My Own Advice
I’m not a therapist. I don’t have all the answers for how to deal with the trauma of the world we live in today. How do we heal from it when it’s inflicted everyday? How do we tailor our healing in a way that works for us as individuals? How do we stay informed without losing our softness?
How do we allow trauma to work its way into our systems and then recycle that pained energy into something beautiful?
Trust me, I don’t have all the answers. Even now, I write this from bed, three days into a depressive state brought on by the news of Elijah McClain, countless other recent Black deaths, and the surge of Covid cases that’ll keep me confined to isolation for however many more months. But I’m writing this with hope that it’ll help me break out of this state of mourning and hopefully help someone else who is struggling right now. I don’t have all the answers or even the education to speak confidently on mental health tactics during such a traumatic time in history for the Black community. But I can at least share what I’ve learned in my own experiences and hope that it benefits someone else.
Think of this as a two-step guide to helping yourself process trauma and come out on the other side with a personalized understanding of what you need to feel good again after tragedy.
A few days ago I had a conversation with a loved one about self care. It got me thinking about the fact that self care has become a social media trend in recent years, but not with much specificity for the individual. The posts I usually see recommend a bubble bath (not a fan of just sitting in my own dirty bath water), some candles (sure, those are always nice), and wine (I’m not a huge alcohol fan either). These quick steps to self care are obviously not meant to do any intense healing. And they’re only a few of the ones I tend to see with pretty illustrations nearby. The issue with these trendy self care tips is that they don’t really tackle the core issue. Why do you self care? Has something traumatic happened recently? Have you just been neglecting yourself lately? Are you finding yourself too busy to take the time to practice self care? Is there an underlying issue of a lack of self love lurking behind that neglect? There are a ton of reasons to self care but the main one that’s important right now to me is self preservation. As a Black woman, the cards are set up against me and the constant news of Black murders across the country is further proof of that. Racial trauma is wreaking havoc, and ignoring that only allows it to do more insidious damage.
Self preservation is revolutionary because it’s this powerful concept of standing up for yourself and saying, “I will not let the heaviness of the world get me down. I will be here for myself even when no one else is.”
I think that there’s so much to work on when it comes to self care, especially in the Black community. For so long, we have collectively pushed away therapy, stigmatizing it to the point that we suffer endlessly rather than get the help that we need. We are in a constant state of mourning. This year alone has been the most triggering to live through, for me personally. The pandemic outbreak brought my anxiety up and the string of police brutality affecting our community sent my anxiety to the highest it’s ever been. With the anxiety came my usual symptoms of depression. I lost the energy to do much of anything. I had to tap out for a while and I’m still at war with myself - trying to convince myself that rest is okay, that not staying tuned into the painful news 24/7 is okay. I don’t have to be on at all times. I am allowed to take time to rest because this is a traumatic time and self preservation is the most important thing I can do right now. So I want to share what I’ve learned during these six months of uncertainty. I‘m pulling myself out of my depressive state the best way I know how: creativity.
What do I do when I see traumatic news?
The first step in self care is allowing the pain to take shape. I’m not saying we should wallow in it, but I’m saying we need to acknowledge the pain and accept it. Allow it to run through you and allow yourself to feel the hurt without pushing it away. I’m not suggesting any negative behavior but I’m suggesting we sit with the uncomfortable feelings brought on by trauma. Part of healing is allowing the pain to be present. Allow the feelings to be exactly what they are. Whether that’s for a few days, or moments, or hours, let it be. Listen to your body and its energy. Don’t try to rush into a space of healing immediately because that’s not allowing the reality of the pain settle.
For me, the last few days have looked like this. I’ve needed to rest in order to allow the trauma to be what it is. I’m tired all of the time, and that’s okay. I’m sad a lot of the time, and that’s okay too. Thankfully I have the privilege to rest right now - so that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve not held myself to too high standards of what I should be doing in order to be a productive, high functioning adult. I’ve done the bare minimum to be honest. I’ve played a lot of Animal Crossing and I’ve spent some virtual time with friends. I’ve gone grocery shopping for the first time in a long time, and I did some drawing. These are simple ways for me to rest and allow the body and mind to work through the trauma.
Through a period of rest, you can build the energy needed to get back up and continue fighting, without pushing yourself too hard.
For you, this state of rest could look like so many things. Maybe you need to pause your social media and news intake. Or maybe a few days of rest isn’t a privilege you have because you have work and/or others to take care of besides yourself. Take a few moments of rest instead. Maybe a few hours if you can. During those moments or hours, breathe through the trauma and allow it to be what it is. There is always a spare moment in the day to take yourself into account. Maybe it’s while the kids are asleep or occupied. Or during a break at work. Or right before you fall asleep. Let yourself feel what you may have bottled in initially. It will feel better to acknowledge it than to ignore it. The most important thing is to make this form of self care personal to you. What makes you pause and take a moment to yourself? Whatever it is, do it. Allow yourself to pause.
How do I move forward?
This is the part where the bubble baths and wine come in. Taking part in some sort of relaxation is the next step in processing trauma. Maybe you love wine and bubble baths - more power to you. Maybe you have other relaxing routines like face masks or cooking a good meal or reading your favorite book again. Maybe some form of pampering is needed if you’ve been neglectful toward yourself recently. Do whatever brings your energy back to a normal pace after you process the trauma.
I tend to move forward from trauma through a form of creation. I’m writing this blog as a part of the process - so right now, as you read this, you’re taking part in my healing (and I thank you for being present). I also wanted to do a redraw of a piece that I created in 2018 to see the growth that two years has made. The piece is called Aphrodite and she is the Greek goddess of love, beauty, and pleasure. She represents a sense of deep self love and I think that it’s a perfect companion to this blog on self care.
Anok Yai by Mario Sorrenti
Aphrodite, 2018
Another way that I heal is through yoga. Practicing yoga over the last few years has been very beneficial for me, as it really forced me to gain awareness of the way my body feels on a day-to-day basis. My favorite part about yoga is its versatility. You can practice in any way that you need to, and there’s even a Yoga for Healing the Mind playlist on Youtube created by my favorite yogi to virtually practice with. I’m using this set of videos over the next month to bring myself back to center, and allow my mind and body to heal. Trauma is not only in the mind - it manifests in the body in surprising ways.
And while we’re talking about spiritual healing, I have to mention that listening to healing meditative music has also been a game changer this year. With all the time that I spend quarantined alone in my apartment, I have the freedom to play music out loud constantly. I’ve been gravitating toward healing music which includes singing bowls and hanging drums. It never fails to instantly relax me and bring my heart rate down when I’m feeling anxious. Also, I have to mention showering (or a bath if you’re into that). Showering has always been the best way for me to reset the mind and I even have a favorite meditative song to play while in the shower. It really allows me to tap in and embrace the idea of cleansing away the stress of this time period. Seriously, no one is ever disappointed after a good shower.
Planning is another way that I like to move forward. Maybe you have some goals that you want to conquer, but you haven’t done the proper planning. Take some time to do that by setting up a daily plan with small tasks that’ll bring you closer to the goal. Accomplishing something is always going to feel good, whether it’s doing some chores around the house or doing a big project. Or maybe you want to give back more. Set up a budget for how much you can donate to the BLM causes or the families of the victims of police brutality. Or, if you don’t have the means to donate, make a list of petitions you want to sign and set up a time to knock them all out quickly. You can also do your part by simply sharing the information.
Again, the most important part of this is making it personal to you. Whatever you feel good doing is what you should do as a part of your self care. Whatever helps you move forward is what you need to do. Take a moment to consider what that may be - it could be plenty of things. Take note and really implement it into your life. Commit to taking care of yourself in whatever way feels best.
Maybe you need more than this. Maybe self care is a bit tougher for you.
That’s okay. My self care looks very different from someone else’s, and I think that we all need to take a moment to not just practice self care as a trend but to really make sure that we’re tailoring it to ourselves. You need to do what makes you feel good, not just what someone tells you to do. So maybe the specific tips that help me don’t give you much help. Take into consideration the way that each tip is meant to make you feel, and then create a guide specifically for you. Self care starts with you but it always helps to have support. Give a loved one a call and ask their advice. Talk with some friends and get their experiences with self care. Check out some resources for therapy in your area or virtually. That’s all valid. It is and always will be okay to need help.
